


Bittersweet

by TheDoomkitten



Category: The Owl House (Cartoon)
Genre: Canon-Typical Horror, Eda's Exes as a Plot Device, F/F, Fake Dating, Scandalous hand-holding, Slow Burn, The Twins are Terrible, Tournament Arc, Valentine's Day Crossed with The Purge, Yearning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-14
Updated: 2020-04-02
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:20:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23135314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDoomkitten/pseuds/TheDoomkitten
Summary: It's Friday the Thirteenth on the Boiling Isles, which means only one thing: romance is in the air! And that all magical criminals are granted clemency for seventy-two hours, which means that all of Eda's exes are free to shoot their shot again. Literally. Rather than stay locked up with a bickering Eda and King while a legion of cheesed-off suitors lays siege to the Owl House, Luz escapes into Bonesborough to see the sights, try not to die in the crossfire of criminal grudge matches, and maybe accidentally bump into a certain rival of hers in the process.It's the second week of the Wailing Equinox, which means only one thing: it's time for the witchery event of the year, the Arc Tournament! Amity is dead-set on sweeping the contest (and the opening gala's dance floor) without a partner, but after Edric and Emira go too far in their nettling, Amity snaps and makes a bet with dire consequences. Now, she needs to find get her game on, find a date to the dance, and maybe accidentally bump into a certain rival of hers in the process.
Relationships: Amity Blight & Luz Noceda, Amity Blight/Luz Noceda
Comments: 63
Kudos: 221





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> You know, as much as people talk about fake dating being a staple of fanfiction, I almost never see any fics for it! So I decided to rectify that problem. Enjoy, y'all.
> 
> Important note: this fic is written from the canon point of Lost in Language and diverges from there, taking characterization and the established dynamic of Luz and Amity from that episode and no further. It may grow outdated as the show continues to air.

"Oh, _god_. Love is in the air." Eda's sense of smell dulled after she was cursed. (It was one of the few aspects of the spell that helped her more than anything else; an undiscerning nose made it way easier to dumpster dive.) But even without a sensitive schnoz, she could feel the overpowering odor of the warm fuzzies wafting over the Owl House. She recoiled, the smell making her face spasm into a disgusted scowl. "I can't believe I forgot- King, batten down the hatches. Luz, get the barricade from the closet. I'll start working on the wards." Eda shivered with revulsion. "Eurgh, I can already feel them coming. Like a bunch of cockroaches who took a dip in a cologne bottle."

Luz was a millimeter away from finishing her light spell when Eda's diktat startled her. Her pencil slipped out of her hands, tore through the paper, and clattered on the floor. Pouting, she said, "Dangit, I was about to beat my record. King, what was my- King?"

Contrary to King's usual contrarian streak, the demon had already scampered off the couch and was slamming metal shutters shut over the Owl House's windows just as Hooty was beating a hasty retreat from his post at the door, sticking his head up the chimney. It almost looked like an ostrich burying its head in the sand, but in reverse. 

Something was clearly wrong, and Luz wasn't going to let whatever it was take her by surprise like... nearly everything that went horribly wrong in the Boiling Isles, really. "Eda, what is going-"

"Duck." Eda flung a spell towards Luz, which she dutifully dodged. It splattered against the front door, binding it with chains of golden light. 

"-on!" 

"Today is Freaky Friday," Eda said, firing a flurry of warding spells at each door, window, and wall of the Owl House. 

Luz blinked. "No, that happened last week. Remember all those references I made to that human movie when we all swapped bodies?"

"Freaky _Fri_ day, not Freaky Fisherday or whatever. Every Friday the Thirteenth, all magical criminals are granted clemency- King, what are you doing!" Eda glared at King's twitching tail, which was jutting out from one of the cupboards in the kitchen/alchemy lab/former Hexes Hold'em storage area/current Witchery: the Assembling storage area/library for Luz's Azura fanfiction.

King stumbled out of the cupboard, holding a pile of tin cans in his arms as he stared daggers at Eda. "Claiming all of the good rations since you stole them last time."

"We were supposed to play a game of Witchery over them last night, you little furry snake!"

"S'not my fault that you forgot today was the day."

"You should've reminded me! You know that Tibbles's elixir messes with my short term when I take my nightly dose."

"You expect me to pay attention to your inane calendar system? How do you even calculate dates vertically!"

"Hypocrite!"

"Takes one to know one."

"That doesn't even make sense-"

"WOULD SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME WHAT IS GOING ON BEFORE I INEVITABLY MESS UP AND GET US ALL IN TROUBLE BECAUSE NONE OF YOU THOUGHT TO LET ME KNOW ABOUT WHATEVER WEIRD MESSED-UP MAGICAL THING IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN!" Eda and King froze as Luz's yell echoed around the confines of the Owl House. "I don't understand. Shouldn't you be taking this opportunity to, I don't know, actually have fun around town without having to constantly worry about the Warden's guys trying to arrest you?"

Sighing, Eda pinched the bridge of her nose. "Because Freaky Friday is also a celebration of _love_ and _affection_ and all the other disgusting fuzzy feelings that come with them. Something about an ancient legend where a princess fell in love with a crook blah blah end result is that our celebration of 'love,'" Eda made literal air quotes, "falls on the same seventy-two hour day that crimes are legal."

"So it's like _The Purge_ crossed with Valentine's Day?"

"I have no idea what any of those words mean, but yes."

"I still don't understand why-"

"All of the idiots Eda kicked to the curb are going to come back to shoot their shot again," King said as he very carefully began moving up the stairs, cans precariously balanced in his tiny arms. 

"Well, that doesn't sound too bad."

"Literally. Sometimes metaphorically too, but it mostly involves a lot of explosions and kid-unfriendly language."

"...ah."

"The worst part is that it lasts for three. Straight. Days." Eda groaned, dragging her hands down her face. "And every time, those stooges get the brilliant idea of working together to find the house and laying siege to it as a group. So because I somehow managed to forget that today was the day, we have even less time to prepare than usual! Hey, wait, King, what are you doing?"

Luz got the distinct impression King was doing whatever the King equivalent of sticking his tongue out was as he abandoned all pretext of stealth and began scrambling up the stairs. "Sorry, Eda! You snooze, you lose. Nyehahahaha!"

"Oh, when I get my hands on you, you'll regret the day you were... born? Stitched together from stuffed toys? Undied? Actually, I don't even care." 

Gulping, Luz's eyes darted between Eda and King. Forget the evil exes, she doubted she could take three days of being cooped up with the two of them while they were like... this. Although Luz's heart twinged at the prospect of abandoning Eda and King to their fate, the mental image of an hours-long argument without any escape while an army of Warden Wraths battered against the door provided a more than effective counterargument. 

So as Eda gave chase, Luz began scooting towards the still-unwarded back door. "You know what, as fun as it sounds to spend three days holed up inside while a bunch of Eda's crazy exes bombard the Owl House with spells and who knows what else, it doesn't really sound like my scene." She chuckled, brow sweating. "So I'm just gonna... leave?"

"Luz, don't you dare!" Eda nearly fell flat on her face as she lunged at King, the demon showing impressive dexterity despite the heap of rations he was lugging around. "We're all in this together!"

"WellGottaGoSeeYouInThreeDaysBye!"

" _Traitor!_ " 

But before Eda's snarl could reach her, Luz slammed the back door shut behind her. Who knew, maybe this Freaky Friday thing could be fun!

Maybe.

Probably not judging by Luz's previous experiences with the Boiling Isles, but anything would be better than the alternative. Whistling to drown out the muffled shouts coming from the Owl House, Luz strolled towards Bonesborough. 

Was it just her, or was there the smell of roses in the air?

* * *

Amity took a deep breath as she fixed her tie in the mirror, running a hand through her hair. She always looked perfect, of course, but Amity had to make sure that her ensemble was extra perfect for that night. Suit? Dashing. Tie? Tied. Hair? Perfectly combed. Shoes?

Knotted. _Together_. Magically.

Refusing to grant her tormentors the concession of a long-suffering sigh, Amity traced a circle, removing the binding from her shoes. "Edric, Emira, I really don't have time for this."

The twins appeared in the mirror, snickering. "I think we need to switch tactics, Emira. Mittens is getting too smart for us."

"Ugh." Amity rolled her eyes and turned to walk away. Then she slipped on a banana peel, eating smooth porcelain tiling. The peel screeched in protest, its rows of sharp teeth snapping at Amity before it scuttled away. "A banana peel? Really, you two?" she said, voice muffled by the floor. 

"Like Edric said, you're too clever for our old tricks now. Think of it as an acknowledgment of your academic achievement."

After double-checking for any more pranks, Amity pulled herself to her feet and glared at Edric and Emira. "What do you two want?" She blew a stray strand of hair out of her face and scowled.

Edric gave Amity something resembling a kind smile. Amity didn't trust it for a moment. "We just wanted to check in on you. Really.”

"After all, it's your first Arc Tournament. It's a big day for you, we needed to make sure you were ready. And I’m glad we decided to visit because you just look too _cute_ in that getup! Little Miss Mittens the teacher’s pet, all grown up and ready to go on a date." Emira pinched Amity’s cheeks. 

Swatting Emira’s hands away, Amity’s frown deepened. “Stop calling me that. I mean it- Wait.” She blanched. “A date? I’m not going on a date! Why would you think that anybody would be dating me?” Amity realized the self-burn too late and winced. “I mean, why would you think I would be dating anybody?”

“No need to put yourself down, _Mittens_ ,” Edric said, his smile turning cruel. “We figured that you already had somebody lined up to be your partner for the tournament, and since it happens to line up with Freaky Friday this year...”

“Everybody’s bringing their sweethearts along to be their partner. Isn’t it romantic, _Mittens_?”

Amity ground her teeth. “I’m entering by myself. I won’t need anyone’s help to win.”

“Awww, Mittens, there’s no need to hide the truth from us. You’re just anxious that anybody you ask out will reject you, aren’t you?”

Amity froze at Edric’s words. “What did you just say to me?” Her face flushed. 

“Don’t worry, we’ll let you tag along with our dates so you won’t feel left out during the gala.” Emira patted Amity’s back, having switched positions with her twin without Amity noticing. 

Grabbing Emira’s hand in a vice grip, Amity growled, “Anybody at Hexside would be falling over themselves to have me as their date to the gala. Tournament. Both. Whatever.”

“Then why don’t you have one yet?” Edric and Emira stared at her (when had Amity’s sister slipped free of her grasp?), cocking their heads and speaking with eerie synchronicity. Normally their mind games wouldn’t faze Amity. But after everything else they’d said, their little trick threw her even further off balance. 

“Because I’m fine on my own! Anyways, if I did want a date, I could get one way easier than either of you are giving me credit for.” Amity’s vision swam, and she just barely remembered to take a deep breath before she would’ve passed out from asphyxiation.

Edric raised his hands as if to pacify Amity, which only further inflamed her anger (which was likely his true intent). “Woah woah woah. We never said you couldn’t score someone to go with. It’s just... you know. Confidence issues. Especially with your recent problems at school.”

“It sounds like you want to make it a wager, though.” Emira winked, and Amity graduated from fuming to smoking. 

Logically, Amity knew that going for their bait would be a terrible decision. But she wasn't operating on anything resembling logic at that moment. “You know what? Fine! If I bring a date slash tournament partner to the opening night gala, you have to stop calling me Mittens,” Amity yelled. 

“And if you don’t...” Edric tapped his chin in mock contemplation. “What do you think, Emira?”

Emira gasped as the “epiphany” (the part of Amity’s brain that wasn’t overtaken by rage knew that this was probably their intent all along) hit her and snapped her fingers. “I got it. If she loses, Mittens will have to stop dying her hair green. That was our schtick first anyways, it’s only fair.”

“It’s on.” Amity held out her hand, and both of her siblings grabbed it with startling surety. 

Tracing the circle, Edric said, “The everlasting oath is sealed.” Amity could feel the magic sink into her skin.

This would be a cinch. 

* * *

It was not, in fact, a cinch.

Amity leaned against her locker, refusing to give it the attention it wanted while it nibbled on her uniform's cowl. Boscha would be coming down the hall to retrieve her books from her locker any second now, and- there she was, chatting with that blond loser she'd be hanging out with lately. Preparing her smoothest moves, Amity said, "Hey, Boscha," and smiled coquettishly. Or at least what she thought was coquettish. While Amity felt moderately lukewarm about the roaming pack of wild cronies that had attached themselves to her, Boscha was desperate enough to impress that Amity knew she could 100% get Boscha on board for a date. 

Boscha grinned as she walked towards Amity, Blondie hooked around her arm. “Amity! Ready to tear it up at the gala tonight, girl?”

“Absolutely.” Amity’s smirk deepened. “Actually, I was wondering... would you be my date for the dance?” Eyebrows up to eleven. Nails inspected to amplify that air of cool indifference Boscha loved so much. “I know it’s sudden, but-“

“Ohhhh, sorry, Amity.” Boscha winced and blondie coughed, clearly uncomfortable. “I already have someone.”

“Whuh.”

“You were my first choice, but when you said that you were taking on the tournament alone, I figured you were going to the gala solo too, and... well. Robbie’s my date now.” (Was Amity really Boscha's first choice, though? She couldn't help but wonder.)

Amity blushed and turned her head away. “I... _see_ . Well, I- I hope you two have a _wonderful_ time together.” Before Boscha could get another word in, Amity was already fleeing down the hall. 

Ugh, she was such an idiot. Anybody with a pair of functioning eyes could’ve seen that Boscha and Robbie were an item, and yet... whatever. Plenty of newts in the cauldron. 

Except every other girl Amity asked told the same story. Already taken. Not interested in the dance (and/or stuck up hall monitor wannabes). Some lame excuse about homework while sweating buckets at the sight of an increasingly incensed Amity. The most prominent cause of rejection was, horror of horrors, a case of overwhelming heterosexuality. 

By the time the bell shrieked and Hexside let out, Amity had exhausted all of her options. To add insult to injury, everybody was on the arm of their date to the gala. It was enough to make Amity want to scream. 

But Amity couldn’t lose control. Not here. Not now. Not when she had her hair color on the line. So she made a strategic retreat to the library, noting with no small amount of bitterness that it was completely empty except for the- no, wait. Even the head librarian was gone. After all, why would you loiter in a library like a complete loser on a day of love and criminality while you could be spending it with your sweetheart? Groaning, Amity pulled the switch that opened the door to her hideout. She needed a new angle. A pact demon, maybe? Maybe she could make a smart abomination, do off the real version of that trick ~~Willow~~ Half-a-Witch had pulled with-

“Hey, Amity!”

* * *

Freaky Friday Festival had been fun at first. Walking the streets of Bonesborough without having to run an errand for Eda was a dream—Luz could dawdle to see the sights and aimlessly wander the twisting streets without feeling guilty about disappointing Eda with her tardiness. And then there was the celebration itself, which was a wonder all on its own. Bonesborough was decked out like Luz had never seen it before: streamers hung above the buildings, parades and stalls (and not the seedy ones that Luz was used too) lined the streets, couples, throuples, and more giving one another their love... it all melted her heart.

Then one of the stands exploded.

Luz froze as everybody else ducked for cover. One of the elf-like residents of the Boiling Isles burst out of the wreckage, twirling a wand in each hand as she smiled crookedly. "COTTON-EYED JOE, YOU SCOUNDREL! I KNOW YOU'RE HERE!"

A desperado with an eyepatch, a glass eye, and a singular functioning eye stopped snogging her girlfriend to face the challenger. "MAMA DES, I TOLD YOU, WE ARE _OVER!_ " Joe's hand shot out to her side, and in the distance, a clangor of crashing, slicing, and pained yelps grew closer and closer until she a witch's staff topped with the head of a glaive fell into her hand. 

Sparks flew from Des's wands. "NOT UNTIL YOU GIVE ME MY SHARE OF THE HAUL!"

The tip of Joe's glaive began glowing a violent green (Luz spared a half second to wonder how a color could be violent, and almost instantly chalked it up to Boiling Isles weirdness). "DO YOU WANNA SEE ME CAST ULTIMA? BECAUSE THIS IS HOW YOU GET ME TO CAST ULTIMA!"

"YOU DON'T HAVE THE SAC!" 

"YOU THINK OUR PAST FLING WILL SAVE YOU? I WON'T HESITATE, B-"

Before either witch could unleash their powerful magicks on one another, Luz came to her senses and fled down an alleyway. Not five seconds later, her ears rang as a cataclysmic boom signaled the start of the first volley. The aftershock of the spell was enough to collapse the entrance to the alley behind her.

Nowhere in town was safe. All across Bonesborough, criminals holding grudges who had come out of hiding for their one chance to be with their lovers in the open were stumbling across one another and starting duels, while everyone else carried on as normal. A few opportunistic witches even drummed up hype for one or both sides of the feud to conjure and sell merch. If Luz had a single protective charm to her name, she could've gawked at the grudge matches like everyone else in between making cooing noises at adorable lovers.

Unfortunately, the only spell Luz could cast was a measly light cantrip. Which, you know, cool. But it did absolutely nothing to help her when the entire town was getting continuously destroyed by criminals and rebuilt by the Construction Coven. 

Luz was starting to understand why Freaky Friday happened so rarely.

The only safe havens were public buildings, which were apparently under some sort of protective spell. And the closest one was the library. So after putting out a still-flaming part of her hoodie, Luz slipped inside, leaned against the door, and breathed a sigh of relief.

The library was completely empty, which was a welcome change from the chaos of the rest of Bonesborough. The higher-than-usual chaos, at any rate. Luz had acclimated to the normal level of chaos that was everyday life in the Boiling Isles. She walked through the shelves, brushing her fingers along the books' spines and smiling as she recalled the Night of the Wailing Star. Then she shivered uncontrollably as she found a copy of Otabin. "Sorry, little buddy," Luz whispered, gently patting the book before moving on.

Luz found herself in front of the shelf that hid Amity's sanctum. She stood there for a moment, hesitation holding her in place. On the one hand, it would be seriously uncool to barge in there again with Amity's permission. On the other... yeah, no, there was no good reason for her to go in there, even though Luz really needed to reference a chapter from Azura Book Five so she could finish the fourth draft of-

In the cavernous silence of the library, the sound of someone pushing open the door with incredible force and storming inside was louder than Cotton Eyed Joe’s Ultima. After a full hour of running away from grumpy crooks with rootin’-tootin’-shootin’ staves and wands, that was more than enough to trigger Luz’s flight instinct and send her fleeing into Amity’s hideout. 

Luz could practically feel the killing instinct of whoever was stomping towards the hideaway—she’d always figured that was a cheap way to sneak power levels into a show without making it cheesy, but it was apparently a real thing. Flipping her hood up, she hid behind the chair, praying that whoever it was wouldn’t find her and-

“Hey, Amity!”

* * *

Amity couldn’t believe it. After this humiliating nightmare of a day, there was Luz, as if to rub it all in her face. Every single time Amity was at her lowest, Luz was there. Every single time that she’d failed over the course of this past month, Luz was there. Was there nothing she could do to get away from this idiot? Sure, Amity had patched things up with her somewhat after the Wailing Star, but this was just too much.

“Human.” Luz winced as if Amity had slapped her. “What are you doing here.”

“...Hiding from Freaky Friday.”

It was all Amity could do to not facepalm. Of course. Luz barely knew any magic, she would be like a sitting duck out there. The question was, “For the love of- what were you thinking! You should be hiding in the owl hut, not strolling into Bonesborough during one of the most dangerous times of year,” she hissed. “Are you trying to get yourself killed?”

Luz tapped her index fingers together, looking like a kicked puppy. “Well, that’s the thing..,”

* * *

“Pines? What are _you_ doing here! Actually, no, I know why you’re here, the question is HOW?!”

“Eheheheh, well, see, that’s a funny story-“

“One that I’m definitely not interested in. Get out of my sight before I break you down organ by organ and reassemble you into King’s new chew toy!”

“Feeling feisty today, huh toots?”

“Grrr, I- wait, Luz isn’t here. I can swear!”

“Freeing, ain’t it? Wait, hold on, since when do you have a kid-“

“Apprentice, actually. Now, f-“

* * *

Amity’s glare was so withering it probably could’ve killed Willow’s vines. “You do realize that, even taking the legion of spurned suitors into account, you would’ve been far safer with a powerful witch in a fortified location than in Bonesborough during the Freaky Friday Festival.”

“Well, I know that now!” Luz huffed. “I just... didn’t think it would be this crazy.”

“This is the Boiling Isles. Everything is crazy compared to your lame human world.”

“That’s fair.” They stood in silence for a moment, Amity one push away from grinding her teeth. Then: “So why are you here, anyways?”

“THIS IS _MY_ HIDEOUT!” There went Amity’s perfect dental health. 

“I just figured somebody like you would be out there enjoying the carnage with a d-“

That was the last straw. Snarling, Amity said, “What. Exactly. Are you implying.”

“IMeanEnjoyingCarnageSeemsLikeAPerfectlyNormalCopingMechanismForLivingHereSorryIfIOffendedYouPleaseDon’tHurtMe,” Luz squeaked. Only then did Amity realize that all the stray books in the room had been lifted into the air with the sheer force of her rage.

The books fell to the floor in a disorganized heap, and Amity laughed. And laughed. And laughed some more, until her voice was broken and hollow. She collapsed into the pile of literature. That was three times that day that Amity had been excessively, embarrassingly stupid. Of course Luz wasn’t trying to rub salt in her wound. Even if she did know or if Edric and Emira put her up to it, she was too dumb (and sweet) to mock her intentionally. Of course. 

She was so, so tired. 

“Amity? Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

Luz’s voice jolted Amity out of her reverie. “I’m fine.” Amity clenched and unclenched her fists. “Luz.” Amity couldn’t show weakness. Not even to Luz, who had seen her at her worst. 

“Amity?”

“If you tell anyone about this, I’ll turn you inside out, embed all of your vital organs with iron spikes, then twist your unrecognizable nightmare of your body in on itself over and over for three days and three nights while you’re fully conscious. Got that?”

Luz saluted. “Yes ma’am.”

But dammit, Amity needed someone to rant to, and Luz was too much of an idiot (and too loyal) to let her secret slip anyways. “I made a bet with Edric and Emira that I could find a date for the Arc Gala before it starts at midnight. If I win, they stop calling me Mittens. And if they win...” Amity fumbled for a lie, couldn’t find one that made any sense, and let her sentence trail off. “Everybody else is already paired up, so unless something changes soon, I’m going to lose to them. Again. That's why I was hoping to spend some time alone in here to think of a solution to all of this. Are you happy now?”

Tapping her chin, Luz let out a solitary, “Hm.” Then she said, “From where I’m standing, it seems like your problem has a pretty obvious solution.”

“And what, pray tell, is that?” Amity wouldn’t have been able to keep the edge out of her voice if she wanted to. 

“Fake dating.”

“WHAT?!” Luz made a placating gesture, which only riled Amity up further. “I AM NOT TAKING YOU, OF ALL PEOPLE, ON A DATE!”

Luz shook her head, chuckling nervously. “Down, girl. You see, there’s this thing in fanfiction where two people don’t actually like each other but have to make it seem like they’re dating for convenience’s sake. Typically, they fall in real love by the end of it-“

_“EXCUSE ME?!”_

“-but I am 100% certain we can avoid that since we’re not two fictional characters the sad, lonely author wants to make smooch.”

“I-“

“Look, what other choice do we have?”

“ _We?_ ”

“As much as you’ve stocked up on snacks in here, I don’t think I’ll be able to hide inside your mystical sanctum for two and a half more days.” Luz rubbed the back of her neck, smiling sheepishly. “I could survive, technically, but it would _not_ be pleasant. I need somebody to protect me and a place to crash, since the Owl House is...”

* * *

“GET BACK HERE WITH KING, YOU DEPRESSED, NARCISSISTIC HACK, OR I’LL SCRAP THAT GOLEM SUIT OF YOURS! HOW ARE YOU PEOPLE EVEN GETTING IN HERE, THE HOUSE IS WARDED TO THE GILLS!”

“Being the Conductor has... certain advantages, when it comes to manipulating the rules of the cars.”

“FOR THE LAST TIME, I HAVE PROVED THREE DIFFERENT WAYS THAT THE ISLES AREN’T PART OF YOUR PLAGIARIZED SCIENCE EXPERIMENT.”

“Perhaps the universe is projected on-“

“God, this is why we broke up! You just never! Stop! Talking!”

* * *

“...unavailable. I’m aware.”

Luz extended a hand, smiling. “C’mon, what is there to lose?”

Amity inspected Luz hand with all the scrutiny of a master clocksmith examining the interior of a gear demon. Sighing, she gingerly grabbed it. “Fine. 

“It’s a deal.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're curious why this chapter went up so late, it's because a commenter started bugging me about posting it. So I delayed it one week for every comment that they made, delaying this chapter a total of two weeks.
> 
> Let that be a lesson to you.

Amity regretted her decision almost immediately. 

Luz squealed with delight as soon as Amity shook her hand. "Oh, man, this is gonna be just like when Azura and Hecate infiltrated the Ball of Nohomo to stop the rise of the demon lord-"

"I haven't gotten to that part yet!" 

At least Luz looked appropriately chagrined. "Oops." Beat. "Where did you leave off?"

Amity rolled her eyes. "Not the time, Luz." She could already tell that this was going to be a trial, but what other choice did Amity have? Pressure some Illusionists into making her a preprogrammed partner? Ask out ~~Willow~~ Half-a-Witch? _Admit defeat?_ No. Luz was Amity's only hope.

But if Luz was going to accompany Amity to the dance, she'd have to do some preemptive damage control. No way was Amity ruining her reputation even further by arriving on the arm of a slob with a literally out-of-this-world (and not in a good way) fashion sense. Amity didn't want to think about when the last time that hoodie got washed was. "Before doing anything else, we need to go over some ground rules for our... arrangement." Amity paced back and forth as she continued. "One. No kissing, period. Two. Only start being lovey-dovey when I give the signal. I am _not_ putting up with you... Luz-ing at me more than usual for the rest of Freaky Friday. Three. Hand-holding is okay, but only because I don't trust you to not get lost on the way back to my house. Is all of that clear?"

Luz nodded, making what Amity believed was her best approximation of a serious face. "Absolutely." It still looked goofy, but at least she was making an effort. "Wait, why do we need to go to your house? I thought that we'd, you know. Hang out here until we need to go to the dance. Since it's safe. As opposed to the outside, which is full of dangerous criminals—and not the fun kind!—that don't care if they kill me on accident while they're rootin'-tootin'-castin' it out with their rivals."

"I am not going with you to the gala while you're dressed like that." Amity sniffed. "Or while you smell like that. I was joking before, but do you _actually_ fry owls in the Owl House?"

"Ohmygosh." Luz's eyes shone, and Amity realized her mistake too late. "You actually said it right this time! It was capitalized and everything."

What. "How could you hear-"

"I didn’t, but you just admitted it~"

Rolling her eyes, Amity made her way to the hideout's door. "Whatever. My point is that I have a few spare suits back home that should be your size, and I need to get you there before nightfall so we have time to prepare. Let's get a move on."

Luz followed Amity as she ventured back into the library, the human's face still split with a wide grin. "Alrighty." Then Luz gently took Amity's hand in hers. 

"GHK-" Amity shivered with revulsion(???), then immediately snatched her hand away from Luz. "What are you doing? We aren’t outside yet!” she hissed, glaring at the human. 

"I knew it." There was an infuriatingly impish quality to Luz's smile now. "A prickly porcupine like you is going to need some time to adjust to having a 'filthy human' hold her hand."

“Still-“

“Sooooo we need to practice before we head into Bonesborough. You wouldn’t want me getting startled by some loud noise and bolting into the crowd because you were too disgusted by my grimy human hand to hold it properly, would you?” Luz batted her eyelashes, and it took an immense amount of willpower on Amity’s part to not snap at her. Innocent as Luz’s ribbing may have been, it was still too close to Edric and Emira’s barbs for Amity’s liking. 

Luz did have a point, though. Amity wasn’t exactly used to positive physical contact with other witchlings (a human in this case, but that was semantics). Or physical contact with other witchlings slash humans at all, really. And if Luz was going to be her “date”—Amity almost made air quotes with her hands to accompany her inner monologue—she couldn’t recoil like that every time Luz touched her. So, once again, the human was right. After leveling a long-suffering glare at Luz, Amity sighed and stuck out her hand. “Fine. You win, human.”

Interlacing her finger’s with Amity’s, Luz began leading her on a leisurely walk around the abandoned library. Despite how begrudgingly Amity had acquiesced to Luz’s idea, the wisdom of it was apparent immediately. It took everything that Amity had to stop herself from yanking her hand away from Luz’s. The human’s touch didn’t feel _wrong_ , per se. No, that definitely wasn’t it. The odd feeling was another emotion entirely, one that Amity couldn’t quite place. Maybe it was because of Luz’s soft skin, unmarred by scars from spells gone wrong and calluses from toxic reagents escaping from their vials, pressed against Amity’s own in a tender embrace. She was warm, too, warmer than any witchling on the isles. 

With a jolt, Amity realized that Luz had brought them to the library’s lobby. “Well, it certainly seems like you're a lot more comfortable with my icky human finger grease now." Amity stared at Luz, nonplussed—although the human was right, the sensation didn't feel nearly as alien as it had before. "You ready to go?” Luz asked, cocking her head to the side.

"Of course." Amity steered her train of thought away from whatever uncharted territory it had been hurtling towards and back onto the correct, safe route (she couldn't believe that she'd lost track of time like that, how embarrassing) and braced herself as they walked towards the library's exit. 

“Shall we?” Luz bowed faux-formally to Amity. 

Huffing, Amity pushed open the door herself without another word.

* * *

In Luz's humble opinion, it was downright mind-boggling that Amity wasn't able to score a date. She was the perfect partner to take to a classy dance, like, objectively. Elegant, refined, graceful... Luz could've sworn that she even saw Amity do a dignity laugh once. (She absolutely nailed it, too.) Just being near her at a fancy-shmancy high society event would blow all of the other contestants out of the water.

It was a contest, right? Amity sure made it sound like one. Luz had no clue about these things.

But putting all of that aside, she was, you know, _Amity_ , and-

So wrapped up was Luz in these perfectly normal thoughts that she nearly walked straight into a bolt of screaming fire.

Amity yanked Luz backwards just in time for her to avoid setting her entire head ablaze. (Luz's eyebrows did get mildly singed, though.) "Pay _attention_." 

"Sorry, I- look out!" Luz dragged Amity out of the way of a boulder that smashed itself apart against the front doors of the library, the splinters crumbling into ash as the wards protecting the building burned with phantom heat. 

What must have been dozens of witches were all duking it out before Luz and Amity with blade, fist, and spell. Explosions rent apart the cobblestone, the shrapnel tearing through the battlefield. The smell of ozone mixed with brimstone suffused the air and crept up Luz's nostrils; it would've made her gag if she hadn't been long used to the odors of Eda's dingier haunts. Tremors rocked the foundation of the square as a titanic wurm erupted from the earth, devouring a crowd of witches whole.

The scene was pure carnage.

Now it was Amity's turn to be dazed and ever-so-slightly perturbed. She stumbled backwards, pressing her back to the library's doors as if clinging to the building for protection. "Normally the plaza isn't such a battleground," she murmured. "What is going _on_?" A stray rain of magic missiles fell towards the library, and Luz let out a yelp as Amity instinctively traced a small circle with her trembling index finger. Mere moments before the spell would've skewered Amity and Luz, a shimmering globe of purple light popped into existence around them... which broke under the force of the other spell, sending the shards of Amity's magic flying. 

"I have no clue, but I have a feeling that we should leave before... I don't know, but judging by everything else we've seen so far _it'll probably be really bad_." Having finally shaken off her daze, Luz sprinted towards a nearby alleyway, skirting the edge of the brawl and ducking beneath a volley of crystals as she pulled Amity along with her. Together, they hid inside the alley, panting.

Collecting herself, Amity said, "That was certainly... something. Now, normally going through the back alleys would be a death sentence, but since most of Bonesborough's criminal element is otherwise occupied, it should actually be safer-"

"THERE!" Luz's and Amity's necks immediately swiveled towards the source of the hoarse yell: a ragged witchling covered in chains with an unnatural red glow pulsing behind his eyes. At his side were five pallid, sickly-grey creatures with seven stick-thin limbs, swollen guts that looked ready to burst, and featureless porcelain masks pressed tightly against where their faces should've been with translucent cyan goo leaking around the edges.

Amity paled, looking for all the world like she was about to blow chunks. While the wretched-looking man choked on the froth bubbling from his lips, Amity frantically drew a large circle with a shaky hand, muttering what Luz was pretty sure were Boiling Isles curses under her breath as the spell fell apart. As soon as she completed the circle on her second attempt, an abomination pot fell out of it and broke against the ground at their feet. 

Having finally recovered, the witchling stumbled forward and pointed his finger at Luz and Amity. "Get them." The demons lunged at the duo, the stomach-churning cracking sounds that their limbs made a harsh contrast to the uncanny fluidity of their movements. 

"Chariot, gallop!" For the first time since they fought Otabin, Luz heard genuine fear in Amity's voice. The four-legged abomination—apparently named Chariot—finished forming and Luz found herself on its back as it stood up. "C'mon c'mon c'mon c'mon," Amity chanted as it began lumbering forward, the grey demons closing in.

A flurry of jagged claws swiped at Luz, ripping open the back of her hoodie before Chariot took off like a rocket down the winding backstreet. The demons' master howled with fury, roaring, " _RELEASE RESTRAINT!_ " as the gap between Chariot and the demons widened.

As if the universe was preempting Luz's instinct to say something about being glad they got away in time, the sound of porcelain shattering with explosive force joined the terrible cracking of the demons, and was soon replaced by hellish screeching that made Luz's eardrums bleed. The clattering clangor of the demons' charge rose to a feverish pitch as they picked up the pace, and Chariot stumbled as it attempted to match their speed. 

Luz clung onto Amity as Chariot busted through every obstacle in their path without stopping; the shards of rotten wood and scraps of dirty fabric that whizzed past their heads with enough velocity to break bones leaving their pursuers undeterred. Amity didn't even flinch at Luz's embrace, and yet somehow Luz didn't feel triumphant. "What are those things?!"

"They're drainers." Amity nudged Chariot with her right knee, and the abomination turned on a dime, leaving behind a trail of sludge as it careened down the left fork of the alley. "A single touch, and they eat all of your magic for the rest of the day. And if they get you with their tongues..."

"Tongues?" Luz turned to look at the drainers and immediately regretted her decision. Without the masks, the gaping hole that took up most of their faces was wide open for all to see. It was crammed past capacity with row after impossible row of stained yellow teeth that all spun like a buzzsaw, that blue slobber dribbling out of their gargantuan maws and mixing with Chariot's castoff ooze.

"...you're a goner." To emphasize Amity's point, the drainers picked up a sudden burst of speed, their claws gouging holes in the cobblestone, and a half-dozen cyan tendrils with wicked bone needles at their tips darted from each of their mouths and towards Chariot as they began closing the distance. 

At this rate, they'd both get caught by those horrible _things_ , and Luz couldn't let that happen to Amity. Electricity screamed through her nerves, propelling Luz to _act_. Without sparing any precious seconds for thought, she scooped up a wooden crate and hocked it at the drainers. Their tongues shot straight through the diseased wood, ripping it to shreds without so much as a missed step interrupting their headlong charge towards Chariot.

If Luz had learned any swear words from home or from Eda (the way the witch kept her language disciplined around her apprentice was admirable, really), she would've used them all then and there. 

Amity grit her teeth, driving the abomination further, faster, harder. Around corners, into ever-narrower alleys, through abandoned campsites and over stiff demon corpses. Yet no matter how many times they swerved out of view of the drainers, the monsters were back on their tail a moment later. And every time, they were just a little bit closer. 

"How are they finding us? I could've sworn we've lost them, like, three times already!" Luz yelled, struggling to make her voice heard over the pandemonium. 

"They don't have any eyes, so they use their tongues to sense magic instead." Despite Amity's carefully cultivated calm tone, Luz could hear the fear in her voice. "Our only chance is to... to... I don't know, we just need to keep running!"

If they tracked them by and ate their magic, then maybe, just maybe... Luz fished out a small notebook and a pencil out of her pockets and flipped it open.

Amity boggled at the human, expression caught between puzzled disbelief and rage. "Luz, quit doing whatever you're doing and hold onto m-"

Luz plunged her pencil into the paper like she was piercing the heart of some great beast, her hand wrapped around the entire length of the pencil as she tore a magic circle through dozens of pages and thrust her fingers in the ragged lines of the spell. Golden globes of light burst forth from the disintegrating paper, spinning and swirling and spiraling all around Chariot as the abomination galloped on, illuminating the grimy alleyway with a gentle glow. 

Despite how close they were to dying, despite the horrid grinding of the drainers' fangs close behind, despite the terror addling their minds, despite everything... Luz and Amity both couldn't help but marvel at the beauty of the spectacle, Luz's face breaking out into a wide smile and Amity's cheeks flushing with color. Dozens of shadows danced a slow waltz in the light as they passed by, spinning, twirling, dipping, all in the tender light of just as many moons. It felt like looking up at the night sky during Luz's very first night on the Boiling Isles again, seeing the pure beauty in a world that was so alien and terrifying.

It was sublime.

Then Chariot dashed through the cloud of light, scattering Luz's spells in its wake. The two drainers in the lead skidded to a stop, tongues snaking towards the globes of light and greedily gulping them up like an exhausted teenager who bought a Slurpee from the 7-11 at two in the morning and really needed a pick-me-up before the last leg of the long hike home. Grabbing an empty trashcan, Luz hurled it at the distracted demons and crossed her fingers as she watched it fly towards the drainers.

It pitched end over end in slow motion, arcing through the air with excruciating sluggishness... before it landed on the diverted drainer, its mouth closing around its body perfectly. The demon swayed from side to side and bumped into its distrait companion, who turned its attention away from the last of the light spells and rammed into the other drainer, squirming under the trash can to settle the dispute. The trash can began smoking with angry red heat, and-

With a flash of white-hot fire, two of the drainers disappeared, leaving only ashes behind.

"Yes!" Luz pumped her fist, still grinning like a fool.

Looking at her incredulously, Amity asked, "Did you _plan_ that?"

"Nope, not at all. I didn't even know the trash cans here did that, honestly."

"Well, before you start celebrating, I'd like to remind you that we still have three drainers right behind us. Hi-YA!" Amity drove both of her knees deep into Chariot's squishy flesh and the abomination picked up speed. Then it tripped over itself, and the remaining trio of drainers made up for the time they lost to the other two's scuffle and scuttled to almost within tongue range before Chariot picked itself up and continued running.

Desperate times called for desperate measures. "Take us up there." Luz jabbed her finger at the nearest roof, already brewing another harebrained scheme.

Amity scowled. "Does Chariot look like it has wings, you idiot?"

"I don't know, I wasn't the one who made it! Look, I have another idea, but we need to get above the alleys for it to work."

Amity paused, then sighed. "I really hope that you've thought out whatever harebrained scheme you're planning, because this really better be worth it." Leaning down, Amity scritched Chariot roughly where its ears would be if it was a normal animal instead of a magical construct made out of purple goo, and the abomination's ooze flowed around her legs, locking them in place. 

Luz cocked her head to the side. "Honestly, I would've expected you to protest if it meant getting your uniform dirty."

"People have layers, Luz. And anyways, avoiding getting my abomination goo on my clothes is a much lower priority than staying alive."

"Fair p- WAUUUGH!" As Chariot began using its sticky limbs to run up the wall, the drainers hot on its heels, Luz realized too late that the abomination had failed to secure her legs as well. She held onto Amity with a vice grip while Chariot raced upwards, legs flailing as Amity clung to Chariot's back in turn. It would've been quite the hilarious scene if their lives hadn't been in danger. Thankfully, the ascent only lasted a scant few seconds, but those few seconds seemed to last a lifetime to Luz.

While Luz clambered back onto her spot atop Chariot, Amity became very conscious of the fact that she had no idea of what to do next. "What now?" she said between heaving breaths. Keeping a human from succumbing to the force of gravity and falling to her doom was a very thorough core workout.

Luz whipped her head back and forth, searching for the perfect- there! "Jump Chariot into that alley!"

"I-"

"Just trust me!" 

There was no time for hesitation. Amity steered Chariot where Luz was pointing while the human searched her pockets. The abomination leaped, majestically soaring through the sky, hanging suspended in the air while the light of the sun illuminated the oily sheen of its goo.

Then, just as Luz dug out a large stack of flip notes, one of the drainers' tongues embedded itself in Chariot's underbelly. Then another. Then another. In the blink of an eye, nearly twenty needles of cursed bone had pierced Chariot. The abomination collapsed into piles of mundane muck as the drainers drank all of its magic, leaving Luz and Amity without a cushion as they fell towards the hard earth. 

Luz hardly noticed. Holding her breath, she aimed the stack of flip notes down one branch of the alleyway. Then she began flipping through them with her thumb, just like Luz had so many times when she'd been bored in class and needed something to do with her hands. And each time the paper flipped, her thumb brushed against another light spell glyph.

A line of lights shot down the alley, disappearing into the distance. When she was nearly halfway out of ammo, Luz wrenched her body to the other side and fired again, this time into a different branch. Then, as Amity finished her own spell and gravity loosened its hold just in time for the two of them to daintily alight on a pile of trash, Luz began sprinting down the third branch of the alleyway, clutching Amity's hand tight as they ran.

Behind them, the drainers skittered into the intersection, heads whipping back and forth as their tongues attempted to sniff out their prey. One peeled off towards one set of lights. The second did the same. And the third ignored the decoys entirely, storming towards Luz and Amity.

Luz could feel it coming closer. (The horrendous sound of bones cracking may have been a dead giveaway.) It dawned on her that no matter how clever they were, no matter how fast or smart or quick-witted, the drainer would not give up until it had Amity.

At that moment, Luz the scared human disappeared, and Luz the Owl Lady's apprentice took her place.

She stopped in her tracks. Amity blanched, looking behind her as panic bloomed past the determination in her eyes. "Luz, what are you doing, we have to-"

"Listen to me, Amity." Luz let go of Amity's hand and picked up a solid-looking plank of wood. "We can't outrun this thing, not on foot. If we want to get out of this... we'll need to fight it."

Amity stared at Luz as if she was seeing her for the first time. Then, she nodded. "Okay." Amity didn't even bother trying to conceal the tremble in her voice.

Turning to face the drainer careening towards them, Luz stepped in front of Amity, holding the plank of wood like a bat. "I'm a human, so hopefully it eating my magic won't have much of an effect on me. So stay behind me no matter what. Got it?"

"Understood." Amity forcefully calmed her shaking hands.

"Let's-" Before Luz could finish her proclamation of readiness, the demon was on them. Luz unleashed a ferocious battle cry—which sounded more like a terrified scream, but she really needed to hype herself up for this—and swung the plank at the drainer with all of the force she could muster, wind whistling through the hole where its previous user probably drove the nail in. 

The drainer sinuously sidestepped the clumsy swipe and lashed out at Luz with three of its four clawed hands, leaving behind hissing trails of venom that seemed to eat away at the space between it and the human. Luz yelped as the claws shredded through the side of her hoodie, raking across her skin and carving out trenches of crimson.

Biting down on her tongue to focus on a pain that wasn't the boiling-hot agony on her side, Luz jumped up and smashed her plank against the drainer's torso. The hit connected, and the crunch that accompanied it was quite distinct compared to the cracking the drainer's limbs made as it scuttled back, hissing. 

Luz saw a purple glow envelop her wound out of the corner of her eye, numbing the pain, but she had no time to thank Amity before the demon resumed its assault.

The drainer reared back, bringing five of its claws down on Luz as it shrieked with triumph. She raised the plank to protect herself and screwed her eyes shut. Miraculously, it held (behind Luz, sweat dripped off of Amity's brow as she struggled to hold the enchantment she'd put on the wood while the drainer's venom gobbled the magic up), but Luz was forced down onto one knee from the force of the blow. 

Then the other. 

Then the drainer thrust its maw forward, the machine-like whir of its fangs deafening to Luz's ears, and its spinning rows of teeth proved a more effective woodchipper than anything in the human world or the demon realm.

Rather than scrambling away as her weapon and sole defense was reduced to mulch, Luz dove forward, tackling the drainer with desperate strength. It crumpled like origami made by a second-grader, proving surprising light and frail for the power it exhibited in nearly killing Luz and Amity a dozen times over. Luz drove her fist into its torso again and again and again and _again_ , paying no heed to the drainer's thrashing claws.

"Give me a clear shot so I can end this!" Amity yelled as she twisted her wrists, creating ten small circles with each of her fingers. Since she was completely out of breath and running on nothing but adrenaline and panic, Luz couldn't reply, but still rolled over onto her back, reversing her grip on the demon—and leaving the drainer exposed to Amity's magic. 

Amity thrust her hands forward, and a dart of purple magic erupted from each of the circles, drilling into the demon's skin and leaving behind sizzling scorchmarks, and the drainer's screech of pain rose above the ever-present buzz of its mouth and the cracking of its limbs.

Luz was starting to think that maybe, just maybe, they'd win, when the drainer tossed her aside like a ragdoll and pivoted towards Amity.

Frenzied by her magic, the demon's tongues launched towards Amity in perfect unison.

Time crawled.

Luz reached out

and

grabbed

the

tendrils

.

Pulling herself to her feet, Luz yanked the drainer forward by its six tongues, pulling it off balance, then used all of her weight to slam the drainer into a wall, paying no mind to the burrs digging into her palms, leaving behind wounds that would become irreversible scars. She turned, shoulder popping, and smashed the drainer against the other wall. All six of its tongues were ripped out of its maw with a wet squelch, and it fell to the ground, still.

Luz followed it a moment later.

The last thing she heard was Amity calling her name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chase scene, and honestly this entire fic, was inspired by my good friend KC's art right here: https://twitter.com/BrushBanditKC/status/1226040325359185920?s=20
> 
> I need to work on my other fic, Skjaldmær, so Bittersweet may not get an update for a while. I apologize in advance.


End file.
